Hedonist.

First time in San Francisco Bay Area: where to start

Whether you're new to all of this or just new to San Francisco Bay Area, the order is the same: a munch, then a class, then a party when you're ready. Here is each step with the real places and their next dates.

1

Go to a munch. Nothing needed.

A clothes-on social in a public place. Turn up, buy a drink, say it's your first time. This is where you find out what's actually on, and who runs it well.

  • The Exiles · Online munch
    Citywide (venues vary), San Francisco

    501(c)(3) women- and queer-centered BDSM education organization for people who are not cisgender men.

    Their site ↗
  • see site
    Society of Janus
    SoMa (programs at a rented community center on Folsom Street), San Francisco · says newcomers welcome · membership, orientation or vetting first

    San Francisco support and education organization for adults interested in BDSM, running classes, newcomer orientations and socials.

    Their site ↗

The groups that run things here

2

Take a class. Drop-ins are normal.

Rope and skills studios are used to strangers and sell single-class tickets online. A beginners' class is the easiest first evening, and the people in it are at your stage.

3

A party, when you're ready. Start this early.

Most parties want a membership, an orientation or a vetting chat booked days or weeks ahead, and many sell out. Read each one's rules on their own site, and go to your first with no plan to play.

Before you go

Munches need nothing
A munch is a clothes-on social in a public place. Turn up, buy a drink, say you're visiting. It is the fastest way to find out what's actually on that week.
Parties need lead time
Most play parties want a membership, an orientation or a vetting chat booked days or weeks ahead, and many sell out. Start that before you travel, not after you land.
Dress codes are real
Fetish club nights turn people away at the door for ordinary clothes. Read the code on the event page and pack for it.
Classes welcome drop-ins
Rope and skills studios are used to visitors and usually sell single-class tickets online. A beginners' class is the easiest first night in a new city.

What is a munch?

What happens at one, the ground rules, and why it is where reputations live.

What is a play party?

How you get in, what a dungeon monitor does, and how to spend your first one.

Staying private

Keeping this separate from work and family.

Need gear or a dress-code outfit before a night out? Leather Etc., Mr. S Leather.

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